Fifty Shades of Mediocre

Welcome to my first posting to this blog which was inspired by the infamous book Fifty Shades of Grey. Hopefully it grabbed your attention and will grab the attention of others. I'm not really sure which direction this blog will take other than my rection to books that I read. Anyway I'll leave it to you to decide what my opinion of this book is. Enjoy!

I am reading Fifty Shades of Grey (as you know) and I feel compelled to share with you a strange and beguiling thing that is happening to me.

I am stepping out of my sleek, white bath when the doorbell rings. I throw on my only fluffy, blue towel and run down my creaky, carpeted stairs to answer it. As I approach my big, rectangular doors I lick my lips unconsciously and notice for the first time how phallic the letterbox looks. I take a deep breath and open the door with my 'just washed hair'. There standing in front of me is the most drop dead gorgeous man I have ever seen. He is standing in overalls that seem to hang in just the right way, and with his head cocked to one side he says to me, "you called a plumber?". I look up at him from beneath my lashes. I can't beleive this is happening to me. For some inexplicable reason I feel like Penelope being re-united with Odysseus after 10 years. He wakes me from my stupor and whispers gravelly, "Are you going to let me in then?". I take a deep breath and say "oh yes of course". I lick my lips unconsciously and he says, "you'll get chapped lips if you do that". I open the door for him and spread it wide open to allow him in. As he walks past me he gently brushes my sleeve with his sleeve and it sends a current pulsing though me. Oh my. I want this man but how can I be sure he wants me in the same way. I am vincere cum desiderium.

I decide this must all be in my head and I lead him to the bathroom conscious of my 'just washed hair look'. "What seems to be the problem?" he whispers huskily. "You have that 'just washed hair' look so clearly you have water Miss McDonell. You're not planning on wasting my time are you?". I look up at him through my lashes feeling quite taken aback at his brashness, "Oh no," I stumble I can't beleive this man can make me feel this way! "Its a leaky washer". I feel his breath rising. I notice instantly that I am all wet and realise I forgot to put a towel on my hair and and water is running down my back. He takes out his enormous tool which he waves at me and says in a severe tone which has me scared and exited all at the same time "Well, show me where the problem is." Oh my, How can I tell him that the problem is... there?

He looks at my dripping tap, cocks his head to one side, and for the first time I see a glimmer of a smile. "I thought I might have to take the whole thing apart but I can see you're in shock so i'll just start by taking the tap off and see if that fixes things". He looks down at the tool in his hand and laughs secretly to himself. I wonder what his secret is. My inner goddes plans to find out. I glance up through my eylashes at the way his overalls hang in just the right way. He open up his tool box and I notice with shock what an array of hardware he carries around with him. I wonder what they are for? What do you think they're for? shouts my inner goddess. I gasp audibly and he looks over. That look again. I unconsciously lick my lips and he puts his hand in the pocket of the overalls which he wears for keeping his clothes clean. He digs deep, expertly and pulls out a small tin of vaseline. "Here, use this" he says, "you're driving me mad." Oh my.

I dip my finger into the vaseline. I can't beleive I am touching the same vaseline as he has been touching. As I press my slippery finger accross my lips I feel a tingle of electricity run through me and imagine my fingers are his lips.

Do you think I should write a trilogy about my experiences?

Alahree